This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
