Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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