I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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