Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
