is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
