I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
