So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
