why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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