I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
