Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
