tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
