Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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