yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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