is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
