I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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