I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
