I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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