dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
