Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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