Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
