Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
