Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
