ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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