i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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