just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
