totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
