i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
