I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize