i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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