What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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