smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
