i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
