pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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