DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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