I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
