I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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