And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
