Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
