New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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