my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
