I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
