my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
