Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
