I showed him my bush... on skype.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
