I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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