I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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