I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
