there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I need moral support for this bender
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
