It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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