Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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