I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I look better un-naked...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
