Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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