I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
