Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
