I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
