I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
