I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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