I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
