$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
