Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
