So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
