Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
