This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
