Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
