I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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