Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
