I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
