Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
