Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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