lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My vagina just recognized that song.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
