Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
