So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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