If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
