The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize