Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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